Equiessence

So much attention is spent on ways to improve our IQ, but in my view it is our Emotional Intelligence that will take us far in all aspects of life.  It is something that we are not necessarily born with – yet some of us are naturals at it.

Parents have the opportunity to help their children “Be the best that they can be” and the teaching of Emotional Resilience should be a high priority at home.

Emotional Resilience is an ability to bounce back from adverse situations and the ability to stop oneself from getting angry, down or worried when things do not go ones way. E.R is the ability to control behaviour when very upset.

Examples of E.R – especially in children include:

• Not getting overly upset from mistakes in their work
• Not getting overly upset when they have not been as successful as they
  would like to be
• Not getting overly down when friends / peers do better than them at school
  in tests or schoolwork
• Not getting overly down when being teased or ignored by friends
• Not getting extremely worked up when they want to stand up and say NO to
  someone.
• Not losing their cool when they have lots of homework to do
• Staying in control when parents say NO, yet others around are saying YES

In order to develop E.R in our children we need to help them to eliminate “negative thinking“. These negative thinking habits include: the need to be perfect or the need for approval or the belief they cannot do it or not wanting to persevere or the intolerance of others.

Statements that are helpful for both E.R and Negative Thinking include:

• “Don’t be too worried about what others think – You are you.”
• “If you think you can’t – YOU CAN’T”
• “Doing things that you don’t like to do is the KEY to your
  success”
• “Try not to judge people – it is good to find out more about them”
• “Mistakes are normal along the road to success – nothing has to be
  perfect”
• “That was great. You didn’t let yourself get too angry”
• “When I raised my voice earlier – I noticed that you while you were
  upset, you weren’t really angry and knowing how to control your temper is a
  great skill”
• “You did not let that incident stop you from being your true kind
  self. Well done.”
• “You have really got the hang of this resilience stuff”
• “Isn’t it good to talk to others about problems so that you feel less
  upset”

Good luck and know that none of us are perfect but we can only do our best and our best IS GOOD ENOUGH.

ASG’s Scholastic 4/2005 “Emotional Resilience” page 11 Dr Michael
E. Bernard www.youcandoit.com.au